My last article, This Summer in China, stirred up some dust and I’d like to discuss about that a little longer. Let’s get a short chronological overview of what happened first.
In the article I was writing about my ideas for this summer and I also stated that I need a place which is… well can I say girl-friendly? I guess I just said that, so it’s on the table now I also said, that I’m looking for a place that has a bed big enough to serve as a playground.
This was enough for Hoeness, to raise his voice. He argues, that he sees many laowai who just come to China to get as much pussy as they can possibly get. There are fat, old and ugly laowai with beautiful Chinese women at their sides and the Chinese society doesn’t like the laowai just for such kind of reasons. Furthermore he feels that because of some laowais misbehaving, all laowai are judged in a negative way by the Chinese due to extrapolation. I agree, extrapolation is just a way of being economically, therefore a valid and acceptable behavior, yet it can lead to misunderstandings and should therefore be avoided.
Here the previous comments split into two plots.
(1)The problem is an inner problem of the laowai. Why would I listen to a Chinese person who says nasty words to me? In my opinion, it is not necessary to listen to people, who insult me, they are a waste of time. So if some Chinese have a problem with laowai coming to China and taking away their brides, why should I bother. Should I really respect people who insult me?
The other way of seeing it, is as following:
(2)The problem is an society problem and laowai are responsible for their colleagues. Laowai should not act like the kings and furthermore should refrain from activities that are all acceptable in Europe. I do agree, that bragging is a bad habit, but can be quite entertaining at times. Hoeness argues laowai should not misbehave in China (I’ll get back to this later), this means not have girlfriends that obviously don’t match, not engage in promiscuous behavior, etc if I got him right. He argues, that because of the behavior of some laowai, Chinese people look down on his own relationship with a Chinese woman.
And then there is the point about Chinese nationalism, racism and jealousy. I’ll get back to this one later in the article. At this point, let me get something clear, what I haven’t really talked about earlier on this blog, but something I want to make clear now.
People talk about misbehavior, they even agree to each other while using this term, but at the same time everyone has his or her own definition of misbehavior. So let’s get on with a definition first.
Junjie’s personal definition of misbehavior: Behaving in a way, that is insulting, threatening others or hurting others.
I definitely disagree, that I should refrain from activities in China, which are fine and widely acceptable in Europe. If my morals say it’s fine to have a One Night Stand, Swinger Party, whatever in Europe, then it’s also fine to do the same thing in China. In the named activities all parties mutually agree to participate, therefore no-one is insulted, threatened or hurt. As my definition of misbehavior is valid on any continent, well anywhere I could possibly travel to, I cannot see any fault in promiscuous behavior.
It has been pointed out, that such behavior promotes social diseases as AIDS and therefore hurts the Chinese society. My answer to this is, that everyone can buy a condom in almost any shop in China. Having sex without protection can be blamed on the non existent sexual education in Chinese schools and on the pope. Any responsible person uses protection, therefore the promiscuous behavior is not the source of the problem. And to praise myself, I’ve told quite some Chinese women about condoms, STDs, etc. so the Chinese government and health system should be thankful to me for doing their work.
Now what about the fat, ugly and old laowai with a young, beautiful mistress at his side? Who am I to judge them? If the age difference is 20 years and more then I guess it’s fine to make a joke about this unusual couple, but if they are happy together, why stop them? Last week here in Germany I saw a man with grey hair, partly bald, maybe 50 to 60 years old, entangled with a women in her late twenties. Once in a while I can see such unusual couple here in this mid sized German city. And yes, both participating parties were European. No-one would make a fuss about them here. Both parties bring something to the table, that the other person is seeking.
However there shouldn’t be a relationship, where one participating party gets abusive. For example if the male part asks for sexual favors the female part doesn’t like and the male part threatens to bring harm to her if she doesn’t agree. In an relationship both parties should state their expectations, before it becomes a serious thing. In the beginning it’s easy to express wishes and to say “yes” or “no” for any party.
Yes, Europeans do have an advantage in Asia
Yes, European men who go to Asia, especially China, do have an advantage there, because of our body shape. But this is not the only advantage we have. Europeans are more bold, open minded and mature. All characteristics women seek. Men really look for attractive women, but women look for a desirable character in men in the first place. Independent, confident, humorous, successful. So the fact that we Europeans are taller is only a small bonus that we have. Chinese men are often insecure, not-mature and sometimes even silly. Not all of them, but many. This is a result of the way they have been raised. Dormitories separated by genders? No wonder Chinese men don’t know how to behave properly when surrounded by women. Blame the Chinese government.
Of course Chinese men try to discourage the Chinese-Laowai relationship, so they have more women available to themselves. But hey, they should rather work on self improvement, instead of bashing others. Unfortunately they bad mouthing about laowai works, some women really do not want to engage in any activities with laoway, because of these stories. What a pitiful case. For self improvement check out Steve Pavlina. For becoming a player (in a positive sense), check out Sushi and Seduction, a blog written by Emergency, a guy from the USA, who has dedicated a part of his life to seducing Japanese women.
Some Chinese women want to have an short affair with a laowai, just to have a laowai experience. Laowai come to China to have fun. It’s all the same in Europe. Here it’s the southern European, especially Spanish, the Arabs, the Latinos, who take their fantasies into reality. And of course there are women who love to take part. I’ve rarely heard negative comments about such behavior. If I did, these comments were mostly of village people, who don’t travel much and have a conservative attitude in general. Why is it acceptable in Europe, but not in China? Double standards?
Nationalism, racism, jealousy
The Chinese government and media has figured this out as well. Most people need a common enemy to work together as a group. And the laowai are a thankful target. Aremonus has pointed out somewhere that there are a little less than 10000 laowai in Chengdu, a city which has about 10 million inhabitants. Thats 1 laowai for 1000 Chinese. It’s insane to blame the laowai. If You want to read more about Chinese nationalism, go to Justrecently’s blog and figure for Yourself.
Then there is this insane sex ratio of 100 women for 115 men in China (world: 100/105). Of course Chinese men have increased difficulties in finding a mate. But once again, the Chinese government and Chinese traditions are to blame. It’s some Chinese people who believe that it’s not worth to have a daughter. How sick is that? Here comes the laowai man and takes away even more women. But how can the Chinese man accuse Europeans of such behavior, if he at the same time goes to Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia to get a wife? Double standards?
The bottom line is, laowai are accused for things that are not their fault at all. Chinabounder has pointed out these issues on his highly disputed blog. I mostly agree with the issues he discussed, but I do not agree with the language he used to do so.
So I’ll hand the question back to my readers and commentators of the previous article.
(1) Am I, as a laowai, responsible for the aggressions of some narrow minded Chinese men? If yes, why?
(2) In case You think One Night Stands, promiscuous behavior, … is acceptable in Europe, then is it acceptable in China? If Your answer is “no”, why the difference?
In case You think One Night Stands, promiscuous behavior, … is not acceptable in any place (Europe and China), why do You think You could tell other people how to live their sexual life?
Comments may be written in German or English, but English preferred, as most of my readers are English speaking.