A friend of me is working in an interpreting company in Kunming. She is basically sitting at the phone, and sometimes some customer calls and she has to translate from English to Chinese and vice versa.

So the last question in Greg’s interview is:

What is the strangest or most memorable call ChinaONEcall has received?

Greg tells something about someone organising a surprise party for his mom. BORING!

So here are two stories I got from my Kunming Lady, and these two are by far more interesting.

Your Peace is to expensive

My interpreter Lady received a call late at night. She was asked to help with some negotiations about drugs. The caller, an US native wanted to buy some Peace (marijuana) and got into the fight with the seller, because he thought it was to expensive. So he called the translation service. The convo was probably like this:

How much is this shit?

1000 Kuai a gram, bro

Damn shit, that’s way to much. Give me 10 gramms, 500yuan a gram and add in some of these fancy pills. By the way do You have some LSD. I want my life to be more colourful.

Can You pull that in Chinese? I still can’t, hopefully I can in some years.

How much for this hoe?

The other interesting call was, when yet another US native called the translation service during the late night. Do You see a pattern here? The call in question was directly from a Kunming brothel. He had problems telling the mama-san what kind of girl he wanted and also about the pricing model. The translations service, he thought, was a good address to help him out. Smart guy, they are all locals and know the local prices. The convo was probably like this:

Do You have one who is into Roleplay? I want to be a baby and can she be my mom?

Maybe he should have learned some Chinese or he should have tried some easier spots to pick up women. Probably he just was into hot looking professionals, who do all the crazy shit. (Nothing against some kinkiness. Play always should be fun)

Next time Greg, please, share some more interesting stories.

Depending on what You are looking for here are some recommendations:

1.) The English corner

Exchanging language is a great way for cultural exchange. People from the West come here to hook up and make friends with Chinese. But don’t be blinded by the educational background of this place. English corners are a major point for hooking up. Western man often go there to find a Chinese woman. And the woman there are specifically looking for Western man. Basically this place is full of milkers.

I personally recommend the English corner which takes place every Thursday from 7pm to 10pm behind the Green Lake Hotel just next to the Green Lake. This one is the biggest and there is quite a selection of students, teachers and other women who have to learn English for their job. Most of them are not attached yet, so feel free to flirt.

At best You show up around 8pm, the place is full by that time. Talk to several people and check out which woman interests You. Then try to talk to her more privately. If everything goes right, ask her to go for a walk with You in the park (check out the park before to know where the romantic spots and quiet spots are).

2.) Wen Lin Jie

Wen Lin Jie is a street not far from Green Lake, maybe 5 minutes by foot. It’s a street with a lot of Western restaurants, at least the names are often Western. They serve some food they claim is European like, but I think it’s just bad. Apart from that a lot of Westerners, especially backpackers, hang around here. And there are also a lot of women here that just look for Westerners. Again a great spot to hook up. To give You some names to get started, check out: Halfway Housed and Speakeasy. Personally I don’t like this area of the city, but from what I heard, You can be pretty successful here.

3 .) Hump Bar

I’ve written about the Hump before, so I wont go into the details of this place. Read my article about the Hump to get the details. The open atmosphere really makes it easy to make new friends and contact new woman. Although most Chinese woman here come in groups, often with other Chinese males, it’s quite easy to make contact with them. Everyone is friendly here and You can just ask, if You can join their group. Once in a while You can find a Chinese woman who is alone here and she really just wants to be picked up. So be nice and chat her up.

4.) Chinese bars

Chinese bars are another way to find a lot of woman, however it can be quite difficult to find something there. Everyone in these bars wants to be Your friend, You are probably the only Laowai there this night, however for most of the ladies there You seem to be so out of this world. Basically You have a lot of value and they fear if You will stick around them so they are careful to hook up with You at this place. Be nice, talk nice, make friends, but don’t overact. Some place You could get started is the Ba Dian Ban Club, then any bar in Kundu is okay.

5.) Dating site

There are many dating sites to help You hook up with woman. One of the most popular methods is using AsianFriendFinder, simply because it has the most members and even in rural areas You something like a selection. You can find a lot of women there who are just looking for a man. In case You stay there only a short time, this kind of site is especially helpful to You. You can schedule dates with a hot woman before You even arrive. With a few emails You can check out if the character of the woman fits Your needs. Maybe You are looking for something long term, maybe for something short term. Most woman state in their profiles what they want, however from my own experience I can tell You, not all Woman who write they are looking for a marriage turn down other offers. If You have an interesting character then they might be up for some casual fooling around as well. If You want to plan ahead, AsianFriendFinder is the way to go.

Conclusion

I hope I gave You some ideas on finding a woman in Kunming. These ideas are also applicable in other Chinese cities as well. Find a woman, if You connect ask her for a number, then schedule a date. Many Chinese women in China are very open to Westerners, so if You are from somewhere outside Asia Your chances are quite well to have a great time in China. And a Chinese woman can help You with learning Chinese as well.

If You have trouble finding the English Corner at Green Lake Park, check out this KMZ file for Google Earth: green-lake-english-corner.kmz. Your best bet is to take the bus to Green Lake hotel, then look into the direction of the lake (You can’t see it at this point). a few meters to the left of You is a small allay with stairs basically going between the Green Lake Hotel facility buildings. Once arrived at the lake turn left, after 20 Meters You hit the crowd standing directly at the lake. The last time I had been there was in spring 2008, so maybe things have changed. Also check out GoKunming. Sometimes events are posted there as well.

A squirrel near Yunnan Normal University. There was a whole group of squirrels, but getting them all on one picture was an impossible task.

When I was at the Kunming outdoor festival, at a building nearby I saw this caterpillar.

In Kunming things are often on the more improvised side. Here we have tape and wires. But, yes, it does work.

For the upcoming weekend I have marked some places on the map to visit, but not yet decided where to go. Only 2 days weekend is just too short. I really need to explore this city, which has so much more to offer, compared to Kunming.

A nice temple at the Eastern Hills of Xuanwei.

The air is incredibly clean in Xuanwei. If You are used to the bad air that is hanging around in Kunming, You will probably be surprised in a positive way. There actually are places where the sky is blue in China.

Most of the houses in this part of the city are rather old, but an newer part is also starting to develop.

All kind of fruits and vegetables are available on the market, restaurants are numerous. I had to chance to eat a fish hotpot. Actually it was not hot, but pretty delicious. Fresh fish thrown in a boiling soup for a minute.

In the very south is a quite large coal power station, then this city is not that big. From the mountain in the East You can easily see the whole city. The above picture already shows the biggest part of this countryside city.

Overall it was great weekend. I really want to recommend You to visit a smaller city. You can really discover a different China. This should be part of Your China visit to do list.

The secret Kunming police golf resort

Although a well kept secret, the obvious evidence can’t escape the sharp eyes of the lurkers, waiting to finally see the truth. So, what is the truth? Kunming spends millions and billions into the leisure and entertainment of its policemen. Incredible activities for guys in uniforms are available, should they have he feeling that hunting bad guys is to stressful. Last night I finally caught on celluloid what I witnessed before, but could not photograph before. This time I was fast enough and my subject was also a little slow, making this possible. Unfortunately this is only the tip of the iceberg,it opens more questions, than it answers, but it is a start: The Police Golf Cab

This police car must be used to traverse the distances between the unpleasant areas of roughs on a golf course. Police men can use it to be driven from their club house to the shooting range or to the 5 star swimming pool. The usefulness is only limited by one’s creativity. Now some of You might ask: Where is that mysterious golf course? Honestly, I have no clue, but that question is just out of the limits of an ordinary guy like me. Currently I’m trying to infiltrate the police and then use this cool gizmo (golf cab) myself. Then a lot of things remain unclear. Several questions need investigation and research by professional scientists by using sheer brain power.

1. Is the police golf resort mens only?
2. And in case yes, is there a womens Barbie car in pink?
3. Is the police golf cab according to environmental standards?
4. Is it better to sit on the front seat or back seat?
5. How many golf balls are lost by the police ever year?

Obviously, further investigation is needed. But I think it’s a good start to reveal these kind of mysteries to bystanders and people from all over the world. Then it will take a long time and hard research to get more facts on the table. Results are not expected before the end of this year. In the meanwhile I recommend You to drink a free beer.

Update, June 18th 2008:

Traces have been lost on this study until today, when suddenly I received a mysterious email from one of my secret informants. Of course it’s not possible to give away their unknown contact information to You, but one of them sent me more striking evidence. He or she shot an invaluable picture nearby the main railway station of Kunming (which is in the South). I don’t can or want to hold it back, so here it is:

One police golf club leisure cars has been seen nearby the Kunming main railway station during the daylight.

What can we see on this photo?

Obviously this model is a bit smaller than the other one before. However it is manned by several policemen. One of them gives my agent a deadly look. I hope nothing bad happened to him for bringing this material to the uninformed public. This car has dirty wheels, I’m pretty sure it’s just coming back from the huge golf course that is suspected to be somewhere on the Eastern side of Kunming, when I take into account all the latest rumors and information that I picked up in the dark alleys.

One thing confused me. I was in the countryside of Yunnan, namely in Xuan Wei, but no trace of policeman spending their freetime there. Is this a Kunming only phenomena?

Green Lake Park in Kunming is probably the only serious park that exists here. Yes, there are others on the outskirts of the city, however Green Lake is the only one in reasonable distance from the city center. It’s really different from the nearby Chengdu. In Chinese the lake is called Cui Hu (sorry no pinyin). In the early evening the park is totally crowded however past 10 in the evening it gets better. A lot of nice tea houses can be found around the lake, perfect for a nice date in a rather quiet area of the city. Expect a standard cup of green tea to cost 30 yuan (3€) with free refill of hot water.

There are many places to sit down in the park. Sometimes some people make music with traditional instruments. If You visit Kunming You should take a look at this park. Not far from the waters of Green Lake is Wen Lin Jie, also know as foreigners street. Although being a foreigner myself, I don’t really like to go there. To many students and English teacher/milkers. I rather recommend to go to the Hump Bar, in case You look for a bar.

二、各网站停止三天各类娱乐活动和服务。从19日零时起至21日24时，全省各游戏网站、各网站游戏频道一律关闭；各网站的娱乐频道和娱乐性音视频栏目一 律用哀悼页面覆盖，相关栏目下的其他网页不得开放；各网站的娱乐论坛一律关闭；各搜索引擎的音乐和娱乐视频搜索功能一律关闭；各网站带有娱乐性的广告一律 关闭。
2. All websites are to stop all entertainment activities and services for three days. From May 19 00:00 to May 21 24:00, all gaming websites and gaming channels of major portals are to shut down; Cover all entertainment channels on websites and programmes with a message of mourning, and none of the other pages within these channels should be accessible; All entertainment BBS’s are to be shut; All music and video search functions at search engine portals to be shut; All entertainment advertisements should be offline.

Another notice on DalianDalian finally got me back to reality. They are really closing the entertainment to make sure everyone is mourning. But this is helpful to who? The dead won’t get up again. And closing down a business for about 3 days can cost some serious money. But maybe the reason is, because we are in a communist country. Someone has an idea, everyone follows. So why not mourn 10 days? More than 10000 souls stopped existing. Why not introduce mandatory blood donation for everyone in China? Now that would actually help.

One question remains: Where can I drink a beer after work tomorrow evening?

Go into a bar / disko-bar. One of the waiters will follow You to bring You to a table. Have a good look, then go to the exit again. Tell them it’s too empty. They will say, You just have to wait a bit. Ask for free beer to make Your waiting time more pleasurable.

Then we went on to 八点半酒吧 (bā diǎn bàn jiǔbā) which means Half Past Eight Club. Now I have to say, that the women in 八点半酒吧 are really hot, many almost model like. At the same time I have to say probably 90% are probably working girls there. Not that they refuse to dance with You, however it’s predetermined who they will accompany by money. A group of Vietnamese guys topped everything. They were probably in their late 20s and had a group of really beautiful women at their sides, all paid. So if someone looks to find a beautiful woman, 八点半酒吧 might be a good place to see one, but chances to actually get one are rather low.

Half Past Eight Club Foreigner Card

Anyways, the club is cool as foreigners get some free drinks there. Once You enter some guy will come up to You and tell You something about drinks. He then asks You to enter some form and You get a card which grants You 3 free beer or mixdrinks every evening. I like freedrinks! The frontside of this card You can see in the above picture, here goes the backside:

The card grants You 3 free drinks, that’s actually enough for me, as I don’t drink very much. Then it’s useless as You are invited by locals all the time anyways. At least You have a map on how to find the Half Past Eight Club.

update, May 25. :

I have been to Ba Dian Ban once again, and this time there were far less Chicken and an overall fun atmosphere, or maybe the present laowais created a nice fun atmosphere. We got our free drinks as expected, every laowai got his 3 bottles. As we had been around 10 laowais over the course of the evening, some leaving early, some arriving late, 30 bottles had been sponsored. I really wonder how they make money, then this is not my business.

For You beauties out there, Ba Dian Ban also has some 美女-Card (Card for beautiful women). Women holding this card can have 3 bottles of beer at 4 different evenings each month. Not as good as the laowai card, then still acceptable.